Fourth Daily Ad Breakdown

Got a new example for you guys.

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Here is a message from a beautician talking to one of her reoccurring clients, saying this:

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[Heyy ,

I hope you're well.

We're introducing the new machine

I want to offer you a free treatment on our demo day friday may 10 or saturday may 11 if you're interested I'll schedule it for you]

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(This was the literal text, haven't changed anything.)

The first thing that I see wrong with the text is that it doesn’t say the person’s name or what the new machine does. There are also obvious mistakes like grammar and punctuation.

I would rewrite it as

“Hey [name],

There is a new machine that [insert function].

We can give you a free trail of it on Friday May 10th or Saturday May 11th so you can [ insert benefit]

Text me back if you’re interested!”

If they know the person’s name (which they do) then they should obviously use it. These types of messages can be copy and pasted to everyone because it doesn’t have a name it is addressed to. This will come off as very lazy or spam-like so use the person’s name if possible.

That is all for the Fourth Daily Ad Breakdown. Thank You For Reading.